I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
