i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
