i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
