I showed him my bush... on skype.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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