Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
