Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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