And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
