Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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