NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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