There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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