I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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