How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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