i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
