We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
