from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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