The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
