Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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