his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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