I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
