I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize