dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
