I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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