I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
