i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize