found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
be right there i have to get my cape
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
