you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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