hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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