I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
