Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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