Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
