3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
