I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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