I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
