when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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