Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
