I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
