Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
