he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
