he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
