so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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