I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
