Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
