I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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