i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
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Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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