is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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