You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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