if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
