Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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