Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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