FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
