God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
