mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
