i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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