This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
