smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
