Sry I called you an 8
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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