She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
