You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
