I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
