Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
