Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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