i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
