She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
